just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
