you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
