One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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