Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
