You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
