you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
