My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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