Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
