Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
