Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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