I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
