Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
