It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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