complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
