I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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