Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
honey bunches of taint.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
