Fuck appropriateness.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
