You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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