i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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