I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
