I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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