i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
