We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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