Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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