Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
