i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
