I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
