and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
