As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
