yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we're so committed to being not committed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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