When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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