Will you blow on my dice?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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