What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
