i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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