Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
