you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My pussy is not your playground.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
