This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
