Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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