When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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