Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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