I will die if light touches me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
