Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
