Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
