I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
