The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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