absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
