I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
