Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
