I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
