dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
