its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
